I have always had the thought of the picture-perfect life.
I hate pain and I hate mistakes.
I always gave any actions or words I say careful thoughts before implementing but it still doesn’t make life perfect.
My younger brother always said, “Stop deceiving yourself, sis. Life doesn’t work that way.”
Sometimes I hate him for telling me that one truth.
I woke up to a walk early that Sunday morning on Waya street, Hayin Damani, Kaduna.
Everyone was asleep in the house but me.
The thought of staying in the house kept me awake because of what happened the night before.
I had told myself I wasn’t wrong but it still haunted me.
Even the walls in the house threw my thoughts back at me violently.
So instead of pretending to be asleep, I started a walk down the street.
It was so early, the sun wasn’t even peeping and everything was still dark.
I felt a bit scared as I walked alone because there was no sign of a single soul.
“Why am I scared?” I asked myself.
I looked around me and everywhere was still, not even a little breeze to move the leaves of trees.
Silence.
“I thought I wanted to be alone. Why then am I scared of loneliness?” I said aloud.
Suddenly, someone gripped my hand.
Halfway through letting out a scream, my brother’s voice silenced me.
It was him.
He gripped my hand and said, “Why do you always do this when you have a quarrel with mother?
It is still dark and dangerous for a lady to be roaming around the street.”
He spoke with a stern look on his face.
“Let’s go home.” He said as he dragged me along as though I was his little sister.
Sometimes I wonder if he forgets that I am older than him.
He gets very authoritative but he always tells me the truth.
“Abboy wait!” I whispered.
He halted and looked at me and said, “Instead of the creases you leave on your face, especially each time you have issues with mum, cry ,Meera! It helps. Cry!”
“I cry but it only comes out as liquid droplets. The tears are dry.” I said in frustration.
I realized that I could actually say my thoughts to him and he wouldn’t judge me.
So I continued ,“ The fights I had with mother yesterday makes me scared of the world.
She never gets impressed.
It is hard, so hard to cry without tears you know.
Yesterday, I dreamt that I saw life but it sent me back. It said I must face its ups and downs and I’m scared.”
Abboy held my hand silently, and we walked in silence back home.
When we got to the gate of our house did he said, ”we are all scared of life. We just have to fight rightly and live through it. Go and make peace with mother.” Together we walked into the house. Our home.
